Old 21st March 2012, 01:16 PM #1
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Talking Offensive jokes

Hope you find them offensive anyway.



I came out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.'
I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'


I took my Biology exam last Friday.I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Romanian gypsies" were not the correct answers.



A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.'
I said 'don't worry dear, you're bound to lose it eventually. '



I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?'
I said 'Nope, you're still black'



Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!




An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead.
Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you?
The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away..But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.



I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I'm going to take that.

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I?
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You're in that basket up there."




I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was Where do women have the curliest hair??
The answer I should have given was Fiji...
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Old 21st March 2012, 01:31 PM #2
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Re: Offensive jokes

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Old 21st March 2012, 01:31 PM #3
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Old 21st March 2012, 01:39 PM #4
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Re: Offensive jokes

The one about the hot air baloon reminds me when I went on the train to Dublin and the train stops at a station and is just about to move off when an old lady who was asleep suddenly woke up and ran to the window and shouts at a gang of young fellows on the platform where am I when one youngfella shouts back on the train u dopey bitch,,she went as red as a beetroot but saw the funny side after awhile
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Old 21st March 2012, 01:57 PM #5
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Man Andy View Post
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
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Old 21st March 2012, 02:18 PM #6
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Re: Offensive jokes

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead.
Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you?
The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.

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Old 21st March 2012, 02:24 PM #7
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Re: Offensive jokes

Very good
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Old 21st March 2012, 02:32 PM #8
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Very funny
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Old 21st March 2012, 02:41 PM #9
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Re: Offensive jokes

Did you hear what John Terry said when he heard that one of the Monkees had died.































He asked if it was Evra or Ferdinand.
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Old 21st March 2012, 02:51 PM #10
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Old 21st March 2012, 02:53 PM #11
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fom Cloud View Post
Did you hear what John Terry said when he heard that one of the Monkees had died.































He asked if it was Evra or Ferdinand.
Try harder.

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Old 21st March 2012, 03:58 PM #12
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Re: Offensive jokes

good man. still laughing here.
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:11 PM #13
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Man Andy View Post
Try harder.

What's blue and never fits properly?
























A dead epileptic.
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:17 PM #14
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fom Cloud View Post
What's blue and never fits properly?

...

A dead epileptic.


Now THAT's offensive!
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:18 PM #15
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Re: Offensive jokes


Very good Andy, keep 'em coming!
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:20 PM #16
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fom Cloud View Post
What's blue and never fits properly?
























A dead epileptic.
Sniff, sniff. I'm touched...
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:28 PM #17
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Re: Offensive jokes

fucking hell fat black eplicit irish gypos who was abused by the clergy as a child wont like this thread they will be very offended .
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:29 PM #18
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Re: Offensive jokes

very good
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Old 21st March 2012, 04:30 PM #19
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Re: Offensive jokes

or homeless muslim japanese scientist either
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Old 21st March 2012, 05:00 PM #20
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Re: Offensive jokes

brilliant
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Old 21st March 2012, 05:54 PM #21
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Re: Offensive jokes

Victoria Beckham has announced she had an affair with Micheal Jackson, Jackos lawyer said its all lies as he was in Brooklyn at the time.
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Old 21st March 2012, 06:04 PM #22
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Re: Offensive jokes

Joseph Fritzl got two weeks community service for his crime.




He spent them showing the McCanns how to lock a door...
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Old 21st March 2012, 06:06 PM #23
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by rachymc View Post
Joseph Fritzl got two weeks community service for his crime.




He spent them showing the McCanns how to lock a door...
Ya can say what ya like about Joseph Fritzl but, ya won't see his kids outside actin the cnut.

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Old 21st March 2012, 06:07 PM #24
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Re: Offensive jokes

What's pink and fluffy and haven't moved in over a year?

Madeleine McCann's slippers.
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Old 21st March 2012, 06:08 PM #25
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Re: Offensive jokes

What's Madeleine Mccann getting for Christmas?


My cock again.
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Old 21st March 2012, 06:52 PM #26
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Re: Offensive jokes

Q: What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool?

A: Sinko
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Old 21st March 2012, 08:54 PM #27
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Old 21st March 2012, 09:33 PM #28
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
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What's Madeleine Mccann getting for Christmas?


My cock again.
....must tell ya that joke again when ye have kids
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Old 21st March 2012, 09:34 PM #29
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by muru View Post
....must tell ya that joke again when ye have kids
Its in the offensive jokes thread for a reason..
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Old 21st March 2012, 09:44 PM #30
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Re: Offensive jokes

Quote:
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....must tell ya that joke again when ye have kids
dude i know recently cracked a few crude madeline jokes, and he has a 2yo daughter
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